Not just another four-letter word

In a recent article by Real Simple magazine, sociologists, psychologists, authors and other experts analyzed the "real meaning of love," by discussing common love sayings. Below is an excerpt from the original article, and below the expert responses I have put my own personal responses.
*This blog entry is different from other entries, but the discussion is relative to healthy relationships and thus still falls under the broad category of women's health.


1. Say "I love you" every day

Barbara De Angelis, personal-development expert: Say it as often as possible. There's no reason to be emotionally stingy with the person you love.

Nancy Kalish, psychologist: I agree that it should be said often, but it should be said sincerely, so it means something. Not just "Good-bye. Love you."

~My Response: As long as you mean it, I don't see why anyone should reserve I love you's for special occasions. Expressing your feelings for someone should evoke happiness. I agree with Kalish that it shouldn't be said in jest to someone you truly care about.



2. Play hard to get

Sam Yagan, dating Web site OkCupid, cofounder: Playing hard to get starts the relationship off on a deceptive foot. If you want your relationship to be based on trust, honesty, and communication, why would you begin it like that?

Greg Behrendt, coauthor of "He's Just Not That Into You": You shouldn't play hard to get; you should be hard to get, because your life is so busy and fulfilling. My wife and I call it being a MOD - a moving object of desire.

My Response: I absolutely love what Behrendt had to say on this. He put it beautifully. Though I have to say, a little bit of playing hard to get doesn't seem like it would be detrimental to a relationship, as Yagan put it. I understand that starting off a relationship by blatantly lying about things is wrong, but saying you're busy one night when you really aren't can't cause too much harm - right?

3. Your spouse shouldn't be your best friend

Pepper Schwartz, sociologist: I agree. I think you're asking a lot of your marriage to have the level of confidentiality, truthfulness, and disclosure that a best friendship has. Your marriage can fulfill only so many roles.

De Angelis: I disagree. If your spouse isn't your best friend, then what is he? I think it's important that you not only love him but like him a lot, too.

John Gray, author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus": I have no problem with partners who are best friends, but you should have other close friends to confide in as well - especially when you are having relationship difficulties and need time away from your spouse. Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

My Response: I think that relationships that take off from friendships tend to work well because you've already gotten to know each other. You can love someone and have sexual chemistry, but if you can't stand to hang out with him or her for too long or feel like you can't confide in your spouse, that's a problem. I like what Gray had to say about not having your spouse as your only best friend - having friends outside of a romantic relationship is definitely important.


I've previously talked about Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, the author of "What Your Mother Never Told You About S-E-X." Her book discusses relationships and the issues that can come up with love. Check out her website HERE.

British study finds more evidence linking alcohol consumption to cancer in women

A recent article by the Associated Press reported that even moderate alcohol consumption will increase the risk of multiple cancers in women.

Researchers from the United Kingdom surveyed about 1.3 million middle-aged British women at breast cancer screening clinics about their drinking habits. The researchers tracked the health of these women for seven years. The data collected concluded that a quarter of the women reportedly did not consume alcohol, and almost all the rest of the women reported consuming fewer than three drinks per day with the average being one drink a day.

The article states the researchers compared those who drank the least, those who drank two or fewer drinks in a week, with those who drank more. The conclusions were astonishing: with each extra drink per day consumed, a woman's risk of breast, rectal and liver cancer increased. The type of alcohol - whine, beer or liquor - didn't matter. This discovery is supported by earlier research done on the subject, but this data also deduced that alcohol consumption was linked to esophageal and oral cancers only when smokers drank.

Many young women who smoke when they drink don't consider themselves "smokers," however this new research may make them think twice about both drinking and lighting up.

Interestingly, the research also revealed that moderate drinkers had a lower risk of thyroid cancer, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and renal cell cancer.

According to the AP article, "For an individual woman, the overall alcohol risk is small. In developed countries, about 118 of every 1,000 women develop any of these cancers, and each extra daily drink added 11 breast cancers and four of the other types to that rate, the study found."

This research was published in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute.

To check out a YouTube video on this article by the BBC, go HERE.